Shagufta

Latest posts from Unconfessed

• Learning to do one thing at a time

  Jan 30

  One day, I woke up and looked in the mirror. I instantly noticed the dark circles that had developed over time from working late at night and spending too much time on screens. Along with that, I saw the pimple marks on my cheeks and near my chin, and how my hair did not look silky or well-groomed. Standing there, I kept noticing imperfections. When I opened my almirah to take something out, my attention shifted again. My clothes were scattered everywhere, creating a mess. I knew it needed cleaning, but I told myself there was a time for everything and decided to delay it. Looking around my room, I noticed several things I could clear right away. I imagined how much cleaner and tidier it could be, but my thoughts did not turn into action. I went back to my usual cleaning routine, and another task quietly added itself to my mental to-do list. Outside my room, I noticed the walls were no longer as neat as they once were when freshly painted, and saw that unnecessary items kept piling up in shared spaces. I found myself thinking that I would not store things this way. Then I looked outside my house. Dust and dirt were everywhere. I wished people were more mindful. My eyes moved to the house across the street that was still under construction. I wished it would get finished soon so the dust would reduce and the noise would stop. I am really not a fan of house construction. Around here, one project ends only for another to begin. In the middle of all this, I wondered if freedom from dust and noise was even possible. My thoughts did not stop at my surroundings. When I looked beyond my home, I found the same discomfort in the world. Somewhere, a woman was treated badly. Somewhere else, the environment was under threat. Seeing all this made me wonder if everything in this world would ever truly be okay. What’s the point of sharing all this? All of this goes through my mind, and today I decided to pen it down. Sometimes I like to believe that I am a cleanliness freak. I often notice one or more things that need my attention, things that others simply ignore. This gets me into trouble many times and ends up disturbing my peace of mind. I want to change everything that needs fixing, but my approach isn’t right. Because of that, I often feel disappointed. Before fully understanding what I actually want to change, I jump straight into action and end up tangled in everything. At times, I want to do everything at once, which is not really possible. This eventually makes me avoid even the important tasks at hand. All of this makes me inactive and leaves me feeling unworthy of change. But we can’t fix everything just by overthinking or by acting like we’re some kind of superhuman, no matter how much we wish that were true. Reality asks us to be present where we are and do one thing at a time. But when you’re too ambitious about your dreams, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. I know this because I feel it often. So I’ve learned my lesson. Multitasking isn’t really my thing, even though I still do it. I value focus and want to see myself staying focused for longer periods. That kind of focus is rare these days when you can lose yourself in work and forget about everything else around you. You don’t need to be focused all the time. But if you can experience that kind of deep focus even once, it feels like a milestone. The sooner you accept that your energy is limited and you can only do so much in a given amount of time, the easier life becomes. And for that to happen, clarity is essential.

  

• I saw it every day but never questioned it

  Jan 30

  Today, something reminded me of one of my schools (I changed schools three times). It was a short video on waste segregation. In that school, I remember seeing two color-coded buckets, green and blue. Honestly, they looked cool, but I never really paid attention to them. There was writing on them, but at that time, I didn’t understand whether they were there for a real purpose or just to show something our theory-filled books had skipped teaching us. They were too small to actually carry waste, so I assumed they were only there to demonstrate how waste segregation is done. Now, after so many years, I realise that sustainability is a real thing. Maybe earlier it wasn’t as deep an issue as it is today. Now, it has become alarming, and there’s no better place to talk about it than in my own newsletter. This memory came back because of a YouTube short that showed what happens behind the scenes to the waste we generate without thinking much about it. It left me thinking all day. This wasn’t the first time I’d seen this reality, though. I won’t say I was very mindful, but I was aware that our resources are limited and that environmental issues exist. Still, videos that show the real impact of these issues deeply disturb me, and why shouldn’t they? I see a future where nature is dying, and we are polluting our environment without thinking that we’re the ones who will live in it. I feel ashamed that I’m learning about this properly only now. This should be taught as an important subject in schools. It’s not that we can’t do anything about it. We all know how one person can start the change that future generations need. I’ve always been mindful about not throwing waste on roads, though I feel this shouldn’t even need to be mentioned. It feels like an obvious thing. Yet we’ve all seen people ignore it. Sometimes there aren’t enough dustbins, and even when there are, we’re not taught from childhood how to manage our waste properly. That’s why this subject matters. Honestly, I’m learning about dustbin color codes now and what waste goes where. I read that in Japan, people carry their waste back home. At first, that thought made me uncomfortable. But isn’t that just our mindset? We feel disgusted by our own waste, yet expect someone else to deal with it, someone who didn’t even create it. Though the issue is not just limited to waste. I also try to be mindful of electricity consumption. I won’t claim I’m perfect. I forget to turn off the lights sometimes, or think, what difference will it make? I even got into an argument with one of my aunts because she believes one person can’t change anything and that I was being dramatic for pointing out unnecessary electricity use. Around my area, I’ve seen many blue dustbins meant for dry recyclable waste, but hardly any green ones or even red ones. Are we not there yet? In some countries, waste collection services refuse to take garbage if it’s not segregated. The rules are strict, and the results show. In India, there aren’t strict rules, and many people still don’t know how segregation works. But this isn’t only about rules. It’s about awareness and responsibility. What happens when people lack awareness? Nature keeps suffering, and eventually, so do we. Isn’t it better to be mindful of our choices, even a little? Is it really that hard to reduce plastic use or generate less waste? I won’t give tips on saving the environment, because we only act when we truly want to or when the issue becomes real to us. I’m just glad I’ve started understanding these things. That feels like the first step toward making small changes. I believe small changes by one person can lead to big changes. What do you believe? Let me know in the comments.

  

• How I tricked my mind into quitting tea

  Jan 27

  Have you heard of the “fresh start effect?” You must have experienced it, but might not know the term for it. I myself didn’t know it. Actually, I googled it to know what that means. It’s the reason New Year, Mondays, birthdays, or even a new month suddenly feel like the right time for you to change things. We feel like these days give us a clean slate. Like, whatever we messed up before doesn’t matter anymore. That’s why we plan new habits around them. We decide to wake up early, eat better, focus more, or finally fix what isn’t working. But most of the time, it doesn’t work. Starting from a “special day” feels safe and hopeful. But waiting for it often means putting things off and teaching the mind to wait instead of act. To really change, you must have a system of your own. Below is one I created for myself, and it worked. I used to drink way too much tea, which wasn’t a very good habit. I heard people saying that they can’t give up tea, and I also thought it’s indeed a difficult task. For a long time, I had difficulty reducing tea; I always failed. Then I realised it doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing situation, especially when I was trying to quit something which, in my mind, was an impossible task. The first barrier I noticed was in my head. Quitting tea wasn’t impossible; I had just accepted it as impossible. So before trying to change myself, I had to shake that belief. You can’t go from 100 to 1 in a day. But you can go from 100 to 99 on day one. And that first step is always in your hands. So, I started reading about how too much tea can harm the body. The more I read, the stronger this new belief became. This is where you collect proof that change is possible. After collecting proof that reducing tea is the right thing to do, I found it became easy to adapt to my new habit. I also found that telling a friend or family member what you’re trying to do really helps. It keeps you on track and gives a little push, but you still have to do the work yourself. The next thing I did was to notice how far I’ve come. I’ve cut my tea down to just one cup a day, and now I don’t feel like I need it all the time. I drink it only when I actually feel like it. Can it be applied to any other habit? Yes! It works for almost anything, like exercising or waking up earlier. Just see if there’s any limiting belief holding you back, shake it a bit at a time, collect proof of its possibility, ask for validation if you need, and record how far you’ve come. That’s one way I found to change my habit. There can be many other systems you can try. So let me know in the comments if you have any others.

  

• The hidden factor behind most of my decisions

  Jan 26

  Values seem like those textbook words we don’t have to apply forcefully in our lives, but show up naturally. Though they’re always present somewhere, even if you don’t know you’re using them unconsciously. For example, how do you decide if you want to be friends with someone? Your values, of course! They let you choose someone who has the values you admire. If you don’t like fakeness, you can’t be friends with someone who fakes. Here, honesty is your value, and it helps you decide who to be friends with. In the same way, your values help you make every decision or choose something over something else. Your values are a powerful factor in deciding or guiding your life’s decisions, both big and small. I heard it many times before, but never saw it applied to my life. Some of the things you don’t learn through textbooks or websites, but through your own life’s course. Life gives you chances to see these things for yourself, and I got mine this time, and I understood how values work in real life. I’ve often told people to use their values to decide right and wrong, but I didn’t realize how difficult it would be for me when situations pull me in different directions. You don’t get easy answers. You’re never alone in these situations. Your conditioning, surroundings, people, and fears are all there to make it more complicated. Who comes to your rescue then? Your gut feeling or sixth sense? Yes, maybe! But without values, they can’t do much. They only work with your values, even if they are subconscious. I was in the 10th standard when I had to decide whether to leave my current school and move to a new, better one. Looking at it from different perspectives, the decision could have been complicated, but I made it instantly. I was firm about enrolling in a new school because it meant better studies and more opportunities. At the time, I didn’t realize that one of my values was working in the background and guiding that decision. Otherwise, I might have held back because of a familiar environment, friends, or even the fear of uncertainty. I wanted to grow and choose an environment that pushed me to think in new ways. I didn’t want a comfortable life, but one that challenged me and pushed me to do better. The value that pushed me was growth. It reflected in how prepared I was for the new place and new people. I didn’t second-guess my decision to move there; instead, I focused on making sure I got selected. It wasn’t that I was overconfident in my abilities, but I wanted to give my best. That was the only thing on my mind, and I trusted it would lead me somewhere better. This is how I now see values at work, even though I wasn’t aware of them at the time. I believe in the power of values. How about you? What’s your take on them?