One day, I woke up and looked in the mirror. I instantly noticed the dark circles that had developed over time from working late at night and spending too much time on screens. Along with that, I saw the pimple marks on my cheeks and near my chin, and how my hair did not look silky or well-groomed.
Standing there, I kept noticing imperfections. When I opened my almirah to take something out, my attention shifted again. My clothes were scattered everywhere, creating a mess. I knew it needed cleaning, but I told myself there was a time for everything and decided to delay it.
Looking around my room, I noticed several things I could clear right away. I imagined how much cleaner and tidier it could be, but my thoughts did not turn into action. I went back to my usual cleaning routine, and another task quietly added itself to my mental to-do list.
Outside my room, I noticed the walls were no longer as neat as they once were when freshly painted, and saw that unnecessary items kept piling up in shared spaces. I found myself thinking that I would not store things this way.
Then I looked outside my house. Dust and dirt were everywhere. I wished people were more mindful.
My eyes moved to the house across the street that was still under construction. I wished it would get finished soon so the dust would reduce and the noise would stop.
I am really not a fan of house construction. Around here, one project ends only for another to begin.
In the middle of all this, I wondered if freedom from dust and noise was even possible.
My thoughts did not stop at my surroundings. When I looked beyond my home, I found the same discomfort in the world.
Somewhere, a woman was treated badly. Somewhere else, the environment was under threat. Seeing all this made me wonder if everything in this world would ever truly be okay.
What’s the point of sharing all this?
All of this goes through my mind, and today I decided to pen it down. Sometimes I like to believe that I am a cleanliness freak. I often notice one or more things that need my attention, things that others simply ignore. This gets me into trouble many times and ends up disturbing my peace of mind.
I want to change everything that needs fixing, but my approach isn’t right. Because of that, I often feel disappointed.
Before fully understanding what I actually want to change, I jump straight into action and end up tangled in everything. At times, I want to do everything at once, which is not really possible. This eventually makes me avoid even the important tasks at hand.
All of this makes me inactive and leaves me feeling unworthy of change. But we can’t fix everything just by overthinking or by acting like we’re some kind of superhuman, no matter how much we wish that were true.
Reality asks us to be present where we are and do one thing at a time. But when you’re too ambitious about your dreams, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. I know this because I feel it often.
So I’ve learned my lesson. Multitasking isn’t really my thing, even though I still do it. I value focus and want to see myself staying focused for longer periods. That kind of focus is rare these days when you can lose yourself in work and forget about everything else around you.
You don’t need to be focused all the time. But if you can experience that kind of deep focus even once, it feels like a milestone.
The sooner you accept that your energy is limited and you can only do so much in a given amount of time, the easier life becomes. And for that to happen, clarity is essential.